Take In A Stray

The holiday season is upon us, and I’m reminded once again of how different my life is now.

I’ve spent a lot of holidays alone — call it self-imposed exile if you want, it fits well enough — and I can tell you it’s one of the most hollow feelings in the world. My sister’s door has always been open, but keeping the music coming has often hobbled my ability to effectively plan, because of the temp jobs and the fear of losing gigs by taking vacations. That, and the fact that I didn’t ever feel normal in those environments; I’m finding that I’m getting used to life in my own skin, but it wasn’t that way as little as 3 years ago.

It’s never really bad until the day of, when you realize that all of the houses around you that are normally bustling with activity are either stone-dead from abandonment, or closed off in a way you never thought about, as families retreat into their insular units.

Having been with Ana for over two years (and lived with her for just over one of those), I can feel the memory of what it was like to feel alone, or worse, the fleeting reliefs that came from the respite of on-again phases with more callous lovers and the dread that followed when they ended, drifting and growing foggier. Eventually, maybe the scar tissue from those wounds will be a confusing sight when I come across them, finding my chest welling up when I see someone drinking alone in a Santa cap or something.

I know for sure that without the Johnsons and Mianzos — two families that granted me such holiday-centric hospitality that I always worried I would overtax it — I would have spent a lot more of my Christmases singing forlorn original anti-holiday songs into people’s voicemail inboxes, as I did in ’99 (I got quite a few calls from various WYEP employees making sure I’d lived through the ordeal) or stocking up on ingredients, only to find myself too depressed to cook and just eating pudding cups and lunchmeat straight from the bag like I did in ’07.

On that note, I’d like to encourage everyone to take in a stray this holiday season. If you know anyone who works too hard to make it home over the holiday, or who doesn’t have family, or even who just doesn’t like the holidays, invite them over — or take them out for Chinese or something, I don’t know. All I know is that there have to be a lot of other people who are going through what I went through, and no one should have to do that.

If you’ve got a family feast brewing, an extra guest will keep family drama in check, and a grateful castaway will bring their every charm to the table (and will probably help you clear it!) If you’re more of the movie-going type, think about how annoying it is to know the Christmas-release spoilers before your friends, and how great it would be to have someone to discuss them with other than the guy working off his extra-large-with-a-free-refill-Mountain-Dew in the urinal next to you.

For our part, Ana and I will be participating in an annual movie-and-dim-sum tradition with a pocket faction of excellent misfits who believe two things: that Christmas can be a money-sucking, life-interrupting, navel-gazing bummer, and that you can either pout about it or go take advantage of whatever is still open. There is always room for one more….

You in?